Tsunami Leaves Apocalyptic Church and Deep‑State-Wave Conspiracists “Devastated” by Lack of Devastation July 30, 2025

BOOOKINGS, OR — A tsunami advisory along the West Coast left many on high alert overnight after a massive 8.8-magnitude earthquake struck off Russia’s Kamchatka Peninsula late yesterday. The quake prompted immediate warnings from the National Tsunami Warning Center, with advisories issued from Northern California up to Alaska.

Wave activity was reported across coastal areas including Seaside, Crescent City, and Boookings, with minor surges predicted around midnight. While no damaging waves made landfall, authorities reminded the public that strong and dangerous currents can remain for up to 30 hours after such events. The National Weather Service lifted the tsunami advisory by mid-morning, leaving coastal towns physically unscathed — and spiritually unfulfilled.

Final Final Reformed Church of the Third Reckoning (Pentecostal) Left in Prophetic Shambles

In Boookings, the self-described “apocalypse-forward” church was left reeling — not from flood damage, but from unmet expectations. Outside the cinderblock structure, a pile of old end-times signage lay slumped in wet gravel. One hand-painted board read:

“THIS TIME WE’RE NOT JUST GUESSING.”

Pastor Chuck “Endtimes” Danvers addressed a dwindling group of parishioners with a bullhorn and a slightly damp scroll.

“We had the data. We had the biblical numerology. We even had a guy in Idaho who built a two-story wave model in his driveway. This was supposed to be the one,” he said. “We’ll regroup. Probably look into some new Reddit geology threads.”

Conspiracists Pivot Swiftly to Algorithmic Cover-Up Theory

On Telegram, members of the Deep-State Deep-Wave Truthers channeled their disappointment into bold new claims.

“This wave was real, but suppressed by globalist coastal erosion algorithms,” said one user. “They want you to think the ocean’s safe so they can install more wetland surveillance.”

A prominent YouTube theorist, Devin “TruthSurf” McGarry, released a four-hour video under the title “Tsunami Timeline REDACTED: What They Don’t Want You to Know” — complete with a green screen slideshow of Google Image search results like “tsunami damage,” “flooded city real,” and “truth wave.” Behind him, slow zooms on weather maps and blurry radar screenshots suggested something had definitely, probably, maybe happened.

McGarry promised viewers a follow-up livestream from his garage once the “algorithmic fog” lifted.

NOAA Budget Cuts Fill Taffy Shops with Unexpected Responsibility

As the advisory unfolded, many residents turned not to federal agencies but to a growing network of taffy shops, thrift stores, and quilt supply co-ops that have stepped up in the vacuum left by NOAA’s ongoing budget issues.

“We have a gal named Debbie who reads sea foam like tea leaves,” said Carla Strang, owner of The Seaside Stitch & Stretch, which sells both hand-dyed quilting fabrics and saltwater taffy. “When the phone rings twice and there’s a pelican on the roof, we know it’s time to spread the word.”

Strang admitted she came within seconds of placing a rush order for 300 “I Survived the Seaside Tsunami” sweatshirts before changing her mind.

“It’s always a risk. But I was burned by the eclipse T-shirts in 2023, and I wasn’t about to overstock again.”

She now offers a new limited-run hoodie:

“SEASIDE: NOTHING HAPPENS HERE, AND WE’RE READY FOR IT.”